Originally from New York, I began my professional career over 25 years ago in the corporate world, dabbling in health and life insurance – from mail room, to claims processing, to underwriting, to managing. On the weekends, I nurtured my creative side by singing professionally with a seven-piece band.  I tried to create a balance even then. 

Looking back, however, I see how I have evolved, as I was truly off-balance in those earlier years. I was searching “outwardly,” and, as a result, I experienced the emptiness that often accompanies an unbalanced life, despite how externally “fulfilling” it seemed.
 

I found myself being drawn to the Pacific coast. At first, I did not know exactly why, but soon, I understood that I was indeed being “called” to pursue a career in the healing arts. I settled down in the San Francisco Bay area where I earned my graduate degree in Marriage and Family Counseling at San Francisco State University. From there, I obtained my license in California as a Marriage and Family Therapist. 

 

Despite all this new success and different geography, I felt the same emotional and spiritual struggles of work, money, relationships, and personal identity as I had in New York. Challenging as that was, I believed I was “paying the price” now for the “reward” later: an ultimately fulfilling and lucrative career. I know now that this was part of my journey and the process of my own deep healing.
 

 

For almost 10 years, I saw clients in a private practice with offices located in San Francisco and Berkeley.  Living and working in such a place of diversity, non-conformity, and embracement of all things non-traditional was at once agonizingly hard and absolutely invaluable. I was fortunate enough to work with a few amazing teachers and be supervised by a few wonderfully seasoned therapists who had done their own “inner work.” I grew to learn so much about my own internal world that had previously been under the cover of so much external clutter, that my inner self had begun to change. Indeed, there were moments of great discomfort – feeling so vulnerable and raw – but these trusted others held my hand, so to speak, and guided me through this new Way of Being and toward the light of Awareness and Consciousness.  

As many did after the tragedy of 9-11, I was moved to re-assess my life. Having had a daughter by then (who was only a year old), I realized that being so far away from the place I grew up, was not where I wanted to raise my child. I longed for a locale where the sun, the water, and the beauty of nature were easily and readily accessible all year long.  San Francisco, with its perpetual fog and wind, was chilling my bones. 

But this would mean a huge change. Could I once again shift geographically, this time with a partner and a kid in tow?  It seemed the Universe was going to make the decision for me.

The attack on 9-11 was having a profound effect on so many jobs and careers – including mine – and consequently, what my partner and I imagined our security was all about: money. This was the beginning of a new lesson for me.
 

Having relatives in the southwest Florida area with a booming Home Inspection business (remember, this was in 2002) that could be eventually ours, it seemed like a perfect destination. So, that year, my family and I responded to the “messages” signaling us to leave San Francisco, and moved to Naples.

The transition was challenging for all of us – so much was unknown, and at the time, I did not have the experience and tools I now have to keep all the fear and anxiety that accompanies ambiguity from taking over.  Often, I vacillated between euphoria that arose from the “potential” for a new life, and dread that came with the fear that our future was doomed…

Thankfully, I learned that all of what I was experiencing was in preparation for the purpose I have at this exact moment in my life (actually, all of us were in preparation for this exact moment in each of our lives and, here I include You, dear reader).

Things have changed dramatically since 2002, both in the world in general and in Southwest Florida in particular. While this area is still a beautiful place to look at, we all know how expensive it has become to fill our tanks, buy groceries, and pay our regular bills. How many of us rode the wave of the real estate market and now cannot afford to live in the homes we thought would continue to grow in value?  Economical stress often translates into emotional stress. How many have had these stresses affect intimate relationships? 

And it's not just the adults who are being affected.  How many of our kids are confused about who they are supposed to be, how they are supposed to act, or just confused without even knowing why and behaving in ways we never would have imagined acting as children ourselves?

Since moving to Naples, I have experienced many of these big and unexpected changes, too – both personally and professionally. Although I did not always understand why I was given these challenges, I ultimately came to realize that the pain I was going through could be used as a way to grow. There is no denying the feelings of sadness, the regret, the hurt, the anger that have been directly related to all that has occurred, but, in accepting all these emotions, embracing them as part of the process, I also have come to know that these feelings, as big as they have felt, do not define me.  I have felt them, I have acknowledged and accepted their impact, I have allowed them to flow through me, and miraculously, when I have let them flow, they lost their power over me…

It has been an amazing process, and the more I come to trust the path I am on and the less attached I become to the outcome, the more peaceful I feel. When I began to look at some of the ways I identified who I am and how I measured my value, something started to shift. I began to feel less anxious, more calm and grounded.  I know that inner Peace exists because I am able to experience it. Not all the time, and not without effort (yet?), but I now know that it is an ongoing process, and that it gets easier, more familiar the longer I stay with it.  

Of course, my outer world still presents challenges - and it always will - this I cannot change. Nor would I want to. This is the material that provides the opportunity to dig deep and really come to know our selves and grow. Once we can do this, it becomes easier to find the Peace within, despite the turmoil of the outer world.

I continue inward every day. This Inner Journey helps me live my life in the Outer World with Peace in my heart. I am amazed by the profundity of the experiences that are available to us, if only we awaken to see them.